Apr. 13th, 2017

sinnie: (Default)
So, Dreamwidth's saving of drafts is not very bueno at all. 

Many Things #1
My mother passed away early March and I'm having a difficult time processing things. Or maybe I'm not. I find myself frequently doing mental checks to see if this is the extent of grief I'm capable of or, really, if this is even grief. To say that I had a complicated relationship with my parents is to engage in the most understated understatement ever. 

Adding drama to the mix are the batshit crazy hillbilly relatives that are living in her house. My aunt and her two kids were living with my mom for awhile before this happened and now seem to think that they can stay there rent free for as long as they possibly can. After every mental check on my grief, I ask myself what my mom would want me to do about them. She would want me to be kind and let them stay. I also ask myself what my father would want me to do about them -- and that answer is far more in-line with what I am inclined to do: explosive, reactionary, full of destructive motion that levels anyone not anchored to something solid. 

Even from the grave, they fuck me up.

Tomorrow or a year from now, I'll Many Things #2. 


A list:

- kid is still marvelous and bringing beauty and love to the world. our mantra is "make this world a better place" and she is growing into that mindset beautifully.
- horses are still a huge (YHUGE! ha. sorry.) part of our life. she will be doing her first jumping show in may. we're all excites!
- there are major changes happening at my school that make me want to run and hide. i'm not looking forward to next year and this year is not even over yet. 
- i would eat tofu every meal if i could get away with it. 

B list:

- i still do not have a goat or mini-horse.
- i want to get a baby goose and name him "ryan gosling" -- get it!?!
- if i could figure out how to get $$ for reading books and talking about the books with like-minded readers, i would. 




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May 2017


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